What Love Entails

courtesy of Casey Chin

Love is an intense feeling of deep affection. At least in some definitions. In others, love is a strong affection for another arising out of kinship or personal ties. Whichever definition you choose to follow, it is a pretty difficult thing to define, and it is especially difficult to cope with. According to Psychology Today, love is a learned behavior, and it is developed from infancy, and from the interactions we garner with our caregivers dictates how we are to develop future relationships. However, current times, with the introduction of apps such as Tinder, and ease of long-distance communication, it is not too surprising to see the change in how love and relationships are made.

I am always conflicted with the idea of long-distance relationships, however, it seems as though it is now commonplace. The reason I have always had an issue with long-distance relationships almost always comes down to my fear of infidelity. Now, while this may be an irrational fear of mine, it still holds merit in regards to long-distance relationships. I am under the impression that a successful relationship requires strong communication, and while recent technologies has allowed for communication abroad to be easy, it should be noted that there lacks a physical presence. I am fully aware of technologies such as face-time among others, but it is not the same as physically being with another person. And with this, there lacks an intimate connection, and without a connection, there is more of a reason to go off and be with others who are actually present. While there are people who are less susceptible to such temptation, it feels as though it is really only a matter of time. The longer stretch of time there is between physical presence, the more the inclination to be with someone who will actually be present.

Moving onto dating apps, such as Tinder, it is also unsurprising to see yet another change in how relationships are changed. For starters, there is less of an actual connection with the person on the other end. What is meant by this is that the environment surrounding such dating apps has gone from looking for a real connection, to merely looking for a quick fling. And, because there is no real fear of rejection associated with this form of "dating" due to the game-like aspect of it, there is no real "quest" that goes along with looking for a partner. While this may seem to be following an archaic form of partner-seeking, it has been quite fundamental to the development of human-kind. That is not to say that apps such as Tinder are bad, it is merely that they are altering how we as a species go about looking for partners, and whether it is for the better or worse is yet to be determined as it is still quite novel.

So, while love is still very much an aspect of human development, there is no doubt that it is changing with current technologies. With long-distance relationships now being feasible and somewhat more common, I still caution those who are in long-distance relationships and advise them to ensure there is sufficient communication and physical presence. And for those on Tinder, try to go out with someone you have met in person, and make solid partners with those around you and stray away from the easy gratification of a quick fling.

A Facade

Made by a paranoid schizophrenic patient. Cuenca, Spain, 1961

We as humans need social interactions, it is part of the reason why we still exist today. Society now is faced with the problem of social media, a platform that blurs social interactions with a facade of our true selves. Many have praised social media for bringing people of all corners of the world together, spreading information quickly, and bringing attention to things that were once neglected. However, there is also the ongoing problem of a false perception of perfection, and an ongoing disbelief of the truth.

The false perception of perfection stems from what we are exposed to while using social media. There is this need to solely post the positive things in life, and this is what others are seeing "[and] we find ourselves comparing the best of our friend’s lives to the worst of our own." Since we are only exposing ourselves to the best of other people's lives, neglecting the negative of real-life problems "we can easily become depressed when we see others accomplishing more than us." So, while others are out posting the best of their lives, the pressure to only post the positives of our lives is present, and we therefore create an online persona that can be far from our true selves. This behavior is then reinforced by the use of "likes" which acts as a rewards system and pushes people to continue this spiral of one-upping their followers. "The number of likes our posts receive serve to define our self-worth. We realize we can’t be other people, but we agonize over not being a better version of ourselves." Currently, we see social media companies testing the removal of "likes" to remove this reward system, as it is increasingly obvious that it is detrimental to the well-being of society.

Speaking on the well-being of society, the use of social media has "unleash[ed] a myriad of complex psychological issues that have altered our collective sense of reality." Because we are slowly indoctrinating ourselves with a false reality, the truth of the world is no longer clear. Since information is now at our fingertips, there is an increasing decline in fact-checking the information we receive. This, coupled with the tendency to seek information that confirms our opinions, we are plagued with the so called "fake news". In reality, "fake news" is just the propagation of opinions without sufficient evidence to back it up, or a questionable source of information.

So, while social media may be a way to connect with people from all over the world, we must take into account the social and psychological problems that accompany it. "Whether your inner nature tends toward paranoia, narcissism, manic, depressive, or even melodramatic behaviors...these things unconsciously manifest themselves, rather publicly, in an online setting." We are no longer displaying our true selves and are instead projecting the person we want others to see. And while this may be a good ego-boost, in the long run, it is an unhealthy way to take on the reality of life.

A Good Friend

Aristotle courtesy of Wikipedia

Friends. Everyone needs them. Some more than others. Being social animals, we as humans have friends and establish relationships with people for a variety of reasons. Regardless of the reasons for choosing to become friends with someone, for the most part, you can tell when there is a good friendship.

So what exactly makes a good friend. Well, according to Aristotle, a good friendship is one that is "based on a mutual appreciation of the virtues the other person holds dear.... [and] the people themselves and the qualities they represent provide the incentive of the two parties to be in each other's lives". Aristotle argues this is the best kind of relationship while also noting there is one of utility and one of pleasure, of which he deems to be "accidental friendships". The friendship of utility is one common in business, in which the relationship is established through a mutual agreement of using the other person's abilities. The friendship of pleasure is just that, a friendship in which there is a pleasure of the others company during a set of circumstances. And while I personally agree with Aristotle's idea of the best kind of friendship, I think there is more to add to it.

To most, it appears that a friend is one that stays with you when times are hard, loyal, and honest. And while these are great qualities, I feel like it is very superficial. Obviously you would want someone who stays with you when times are rough and is not afraid to let you know when you have done wrong. But what should be more important is the company they provide. No one ever wants to be with someone that brings constant negativity and makes nothing of themselves. There has to be a sort of mutual competition where both parties are constantly trying to improve the other instead of being an echo-chamber for each other. Psychology Today put it well when they say that a true friend is committed to your happiness (it should be assumed that it goes both ways) and does not pressure you to throw away your principles (a mutual appreciation of virtues as Aristotle says) and is a good influence.

Friends are an integral part of our development and for that reason, it is important that the friends we choose are not only good influence, but also good company. There should be no fear to bring up issues with the friend, and if there is issue, then that is a sign that they are not working to the mutual benefit of the friendship and are instead out for their own regard.

A Real Man

Chaturvedi Humanities Core Lecture 2

Chivalry is not dead! At least, that is what is sought after when looking for a "real man". I have a post on here that relates to the idea of gender and my interpretation of how it relates now in society. This blog post relates more to the societal "requirements" of what it means to be a man. After reading the Hind Swaraj by Gandhi, I was presented with Gandhi's vision on what it means to be a real man and compared it to what I have formulated for my definition of masculinity.

While Gandhi's main purpose in writing the Hind Swaraj is to offer a solution to India's colonization undertaken by the British. He does this through dialogue in which he has a back and forth with someone who has differing views on the liberation of India. In this text, Gandhi talks about what it means to be courageous and how that is attributed to man. He is not much of an advocate for those who go through extensive work to get bodily strength. Instead, he sees courage in the ability to be nonviolent and benevolent in the face of violence and malevolence of which he calls soul-force. He also argues that man must be celibate (both in acts and in thinking) and must be religious and adhere to Truth. While this also outlines the way to free India, it essentially is attributed to men to do this job as they are the ones who must hold courage and be willing to die for their convictions.

Then, there is toxic masculinity. As noted in the New York Times toxic masculinity includes the "suppressing of emotions or masking distress, maintaining an appearance of hardness, and violence as an indicator of power." And I would say this is very much true in that men are taught to be tough; however, this has had its toll. For instance, according to the AFSP, men are more than 3 times as likely to commit suicide than women, and this could easily be due to mental health issues caused by this masking of emotions. It should also be noted there are more men in prison than women, and again, this is all tied into toxic masculinity.

And while it may be easy to claim that this toxic masculinity has placed us in the hierarchical patriarch that we are currently in, it is not that simple. I touch more on hierarchy in this post. So while toxic masculinity is to be blamed for the bad side of manhood, the question still stands: what is a man supposed to be? For me at least, a man should be protective in nature. Men tend to be more aggressive than women; however, this aggression should by no means be applied to only negative context as aggression can be used positively in the presence of danger. Similar to how Gandhi views courageousness as being a marker of masculinity, I would extend it to include rationality as Gandhi includes passive resistance to his definition of courageousness, but sometimes, passive resistance leads to the detriment of the man and those he cares for.

Works Cited

Gandhi, and Anthony Parel. Hind Swaraj and Other Writings. Cambridge University Press, 2013.

The Art of Self-Reflection

Self-reflection doodle courtesy of Google

Self-reflection is something that is sometimes taken for granted. While humans are social animals and thrive on social interaction (for the most part), some alone time to think to yourself is beneficial and can help you better yourself as a person. In my case, I have a lot of alone time in the morning on my walk back from the gym and when I eat breakfast. During this hour or so, I reflect on my interactions with people or simply think of my position on certain topics. The reason I reflect on my interactions with people is due to the fact that I want to make myself a better person to be interacted with as I see social interaction as an integral part of my character. During this self-reflection, I think to myself "What did I do correctly in this interaction?", "Is there anything I regret doing in this interaction?", and "Is there anything to improve on?" This, in turn, can help lead you to a better social life and can improve on your ability to interact with others in a way that brings reciprocal goodness to anyone involved.

Now, while it may seem that I am building myself to look better in the eyes of others, which is something that Rousseau argues as problematic in his discourse, I am actually building myself as a better version of myself. The way that I do this through self-reflection includes the fact that in the interaction I take what is liked by the majority (which creates an ideal) and try to shift my behavior and action that best fits the ideal that everyone holds as valuable. This does not mean that I am trying to make myself look good for others, on the contrary, I am essentially retrofitting myself into the ideal person that others would like to interact with. While it can be argued as Stuart Mill does, that the majority thought is not always correct (which is very much true), this does put in the risk of retrofitting yourself into an ideal that is not necessarily moral or virtuous, even if the majority perceives it as so. In these such cases, self-reflection on where you stand on the matters will guide you in the correct path. And while you may ask "How do I know what is morally good?", it should be noted that thinking things out thoroughly and deeply, will usually help clear things up.

Another thing that self-reflection allows for is the ability to become more self-aware of what you do. There is nothing worse than a person who does harm to others and is not aware that they are causing harm to others. The reason lies in the fact that they are oblivious to how their actions and words affect other people. Hence, when a person self-reflects, they are able to diagnose any harm they have caused to others, and are less likely to continue the harm once they become aware of it.

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Welcome to Socratic Speech.

Spend your time here to expand your perspective and share your ideas on the issues and topics discussed here, all while maintaining composure and respect for others. In a time where ideas are rarely discussed due to fear of being ostracized, here, we believe that everyone has a voice and that problems, for the most part, can be solved through discussion and understanding.

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